Grandpa,
I have been dating a wonderful man for several months. His ex-wife knows my ex-wife; that is how we met. Even though he is divorced, he is still living with his ex-wife. He tells me it is strictly for financial reasons. I call that a load of bull. I have a nice apartment. I have told him he could stay with me. He hesitates. I think there is some kind of enmeshment between them. Lately, my ex-wife has been calling and leaving voice mail messages telling me things that I have mentioned to (boyfriend). Obviously, he is talking with his ex who is talking to my ex. I do not communicate with my ex under any circumstances. I think his ex gave my phone number to my ex. I don’t need this drama in my life. I am considering an ultimatum to get out of his ex-wife’s home and life, or stay out of mine. What are your thoughts?
Grandpa says: You have no right to control another man’s life. If you give him an ultimatum, you are no different than his ex-wife. Does he have children by this woman? How can you ask him to give up his children? Maybe he and his wife are happy and you are just a friend with benefits? Change your phone number and move on. You don’t need to confront him about anything. That is just a control issue on your part. He made his choice years ago. Check with an attorney about an order of protection to keep your ex from calling you about anything.
Grandpa,
My father-in-law is great guy. We get along well, as if I am his real son, not son-in-law. He is a widower. We have a standing Friday night guys’ night out. My wife is pleased that I get along so well with Dad. On a recent Friday we went to the casino. Dad took $200 to play. On one machine he won $1,000. He proceeded to lose it and when we left, he took home only $50. He is telling everyone he won a thousand. I see it as he lost $150. I want to correct his thinking and tell his friends that he actually lost, not won. My wife said to let it go. I will go by your advice.
Grandpa says: As long as you are bent on shaming and ruining his win, why not rip out his heart and stomp on it? He did win a thousand dollars. Why shame him by telling everyone he lost it all? He did in fact beat the machine in one game. It has been duly reported to the IRS as a fact. What he did with his winnings is his business. If he chose to play it and enjoy a longer night out with his son-in-law, I would see that as entertainment and male-bonding. He went in knowing it could cost him two hundred dollars for an evening’s gaming. He walked out with $50 in his pocket. He got an evening’s fun for 75% of his budget. Good deal.
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