Grandpa,
I am furious with the family of my son’s new wife. I am a widow and raised my son alone. He is a good man, very good looking, and mild tempered. But he married a witch with a capital B. Her family could not afford the kind of wedding that she wanted, so I covered the majority of the costs. When I went to the photographer after the wedding to buy some of the pictures, I found none of me, my son, and me, or me with anyone else. I know the photographer snapped such pictures so I asked where they were. She told me that my daughter-in-law, the bride, instructed her to destroy them and not offer them for sale. She was not given any reason. I want to sue the photographer because I am the one who paid for her services.
My son tells me that he knows nothing about it. I believe him because I have never known him to be a liar. My witch-in-law will not discuss it with me. All I got in response to an E-mail was a “thank you” note stating she noticed that I had not given them a wedding gift. I paid for that damned wedding! Wasn’t that gift enough? I contacted her family and they told me that they have no pictures of me that they can share. I felt a very cold shoulder when I asked. How could they do this to me when I have done nothing to provoke them? I just want nothing more to do with them. I hope they all burn in Hell forever.
Grandpa says: Grandpa comprehends your anger. It is fueled by feelings of rejection and disappointment. And a lot of betrayal. You need to make peace. If you cannot make peace with them, then make peace in your own heart. Every time we get angry at the actions of another person, it is like raising the white flag and shouting, “You win, I surrender to your superiority.” Why would you choose to do that? Life is not about being a winner or a loser. It is about finding peace and contentment. So, you don’t have pictures of yourself at the wedding. Do you want to risk never having pictures of your grandchildren? No good photographer ever destroys archives.
Talk with her again. Contact your son’s wife and ask her to please forgive you whatever transgression she perceives you committed. If you love your son unconditionally, love his wife equally. Just do not trust her or give any sort of power over you. Make no demands of her and you will have no expectations. Without expectations, you will not be disappointed in her. Your anger is hurting you more than her actions ever could. Be grateful that you now know the type of person your son married. Then live your life as you see fit. Do not seek revenge because that makes you just like her. King Solomon told us, answer not a fool according to his folly, lest ye be like unto him. I bid you peace.
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Aurora, IL 60507 or send an E-mail to askgrandpa@thevoice.us.