Grandpa,
I met my daughter’s father-in-law at the wedding. I was not impressed by the man and made no overtures to develop a friendship. Apparently, neither did he. From my daughter, over the years, I have grown to dislike the man based on what she told me.
Well, when my daughter went into labor with the first grandchild recently, I met her father-in-law at the hospital. He and I talked. A lot. It turns out he was brainwashed into thinking that I am a total jerk based on what his son said about me. The fact is, he is no more a jerk than am I. His politics are right. He likes the right teams, and we both served in ‘Nam. Sure, he was only infantry while I was Air Force, but at least he served. And we both came home alive. So, we have a lot more in common than just a grandson.
One thing that impressed me about this man is his wisdom. He suggested that because the boy bears his last name, he should have my first name. Well, that did not happen. The child has his father’s first name and the word Jr. So, because my daughter’s father-in-law and I have become better acquainted, we want to confront our children and find out what is the reason for the tales of woe carried by our respective children. We ask you to suggest how we go about broaching the subject.
Grandpa says: “Only infantry?!!!” I recall a Vietnamese lady once saying, in reference to her farmyard, “The chickens fly.” (And for telling that, I owe an apology to my own late father-in-law, who spent 29 years of his life in the Air Force.) Only infantry. I am going to have put that on my to do list under, “forgive this man”. How you approach the subject of the confrontation of the younger generation of new parents can be fun. Putting them on the hot seat once will be a short-lived victory. But a long-term twist of the knife could be dragged on for years. Invite everyone over to one house or the other and stage a conversation. A disagreement, as it were, where you are both arguing the same point. It can be on any topic: Sports, politics, even the coffee. Just so long as you are both in total agreement on every topic. At some point you can turn to your daughter, or he to his son, and say something to the effect of, “You are absolutely right. This man is the wisest man I have ever met. He thinks just like me.” Segway into the conversation about why they each dislike their father-in-law enough to carry tales to their own fathers. You may find that there is much more love than the new parents ever wanted to admit. In any event, never lose sight of the fact these young adults are your children and have brought your grandson into the world. There is plenty of love to go around. Raise your grandson infancy to infantry! I bid peace to everyone involved.
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