When my best friend of nearly 60 years called, I thought it was our annual New Year’s greeting. We’ve had fun with it sharing incredible, even impossible, expectations and resolutions for the new year for many years. Last year, he proclaimed that at 67 years, he’d try out for a position on his favorite NBA team, the Bulls.
However, after exchanging pleasantries, it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t our usual first-of-the-year phone call but something of a more severe nature. After restarting at least twice, he said he needed to share something with me, which had troubled him for a long time. Because of the serious tone that the conversation had taken, I steadied myself for what sounded like earth-shattering news.
My friend said he needed to confess something that had bothered him for many years, something he was ashamed of then and now. He said he felt as terrible today as he had those many years ago. However, when he eventually told me, it was clear that he’d perceived it as a significant transgression and violation of our trust and friendship for nearly six decades.
My friend confessed something of a private nature, and it doesn’t matter; more to the point is that after hearing him out, my first thought was how glad I am that he hadn’t told me back in the day. Unfortunately, immaturity and lack of life experience would have almost certainly not permitted me to see that my friend had made a regrettable error in judgment. The chances are pretty good that my ability to forgive would have faltered, and it would have ended badly. Consequently, a lifetime of an incredibly wonderful friendship and brotherly love might have never occurred.
The incident with my friend made me wonder if it’s a function of entering one’s golden years, or sometimes referred to as the Third Age, when mental and spiritual insight is impacted aside from emotional and cognitive limitations.
Stephen F. Barnes, Ph.D. San Diego State University Interwork Institute, explains that older adults display less negativity, a decline in emotional intensity, and a reduction in trait neuroticism. In addition, it’s thought that aging enhances self-esteem, identity, and personality in the psychological domain, all pointing to a heightened sense of self-worth, self-fulfillment, and happiness.
In the psychological realm, aging favors identity, self-esteem, subjective well-being, and personality. It enhances emotional experiences and regulation. These are essential adult assets centered on emotional well-being and, in their aggregate, suggest a sense of self-worth, life satisfaction, and happiness. (The Third Age – San Diego State University).
Frankly, I prefer and wholeheartedly agree with what Muhammad Ali said about friendship. “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But, if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
Anthony Stanford, who was named the 2014 Outstanding African-American of the Year by the Aurora African-American Heritage Advisory Board, is a columnist and author of the book, “Homophobia in the Black Church: How Faith, Politics and Fear Divide the Black Community.”