Grandpa,
My mom is marrying my second step-father Thanksgiving weekend. It is so weird, because I will have two new step-brothers. I know both of them from school. I am very attracted to the older one and we have gone out together. He knows my ex-step-brother from my mom’s last marriage. They hate each other. He was my step-brother for (several) years and was always okay with me. He was a good brother to me. We are still friends. I just want to get out of this whole mess. I know my mom. She will stay married to this man for a few years then break up with him. But, while she is married, and the guy I like will be my brother, we can’t go out together. What do I do? Mom is already putting it on her (social media) page pictures of us as a family. She has ruined my chances to be with him as his girlfriend and told the world that we will be brother and sister. That leaves him open to date other girls.
Grandpa says: Right now, everything looks hopeless. The prospect of change can do that to anyone. In reality, though, what does it matter what your mom put on her social media? Do your friends follow her posts? What do you care what things look like to others? You are you and no other person can change you. Neither can a title change you.
You have remained friends with your former step-brother. That is a positive sign. It shows your maturity. It means your mom’s relationships do not dictate your relationships. Carry that maturity level over to the new step-brothers. You do not say whether the new step-brothers will be living in the same house with you. If not, where does the rub come in? If so, how will it hurt you to get to know this young man better? Right now, you only know the side of him you see at school, or when you go out together. If you are living in the same house, you will see the real him. A secret you should know: He is always free to date other girls. You may stake your claim on him, that that carries no weight. He is still a single guy and still at the age where he is learning how to have relationships. You are still a single girl and still learning how to have relationships. Sadly, your role model, Mom, still seems to be learning how to have relationships.
The best advice Grandpa can give you is to be yourself. Do not try to hide your feelings. Do not try to pretend that things are different than they really are. Do not try to run away from reality. Just as you have remained friends with your former step-brother, you can remain friends with your new step brother. This situation will be a good opportunity to try to resolve the hatred they seem to have for one another. Amidst all the apparent chaos, you have the opportunity to be the voice of sanity.
Got something stuck in your craw? Ask Grandpa. Address your letters to Ask Grandpa c/o The Voice, PO Box 123, Aurora, IL 60507 or send an E-mail to askgrandpa@thevoice.us.