Editor’s note: Recently in The Voice, the announcement was made of the death of the conductor of the column, Ask Grandpa, which provided readers with 503 weeks of sage advice, humor, and continuity. Below is the repeat of the September 16, 2021 column. The Voice will continue to offer previous columns. We invite special requests of previous columns.
Grandpa,
My son’s wife ruined our holiday celebration. Every year we cook out and spend the afternoon at home playing games in the yard. She has two bratty, little, snips from her first marriage.
Last year she left the little brats at her parents’ house when she came over here. This year she brought them with her to our place. She has them call us “Memaw” and “Popo”. That is two of the stupidest names anyone can call another person. I told her that we are not any relation to her spawn and do not want the monikers that she stuck on us. I told the children I am Mrs. (withheld) and my husband is Mr. (withheld). The older of the two, a three-year old said, “OK, Memaw!” I told that child that if he called me that again I would slap the words out of his mouth. My daughter-in-law told my son about it and exaggerated things way out of proportion. My son had the presence of mind to take his gold digger and her toddlers home. If she would have respected our wishes and not come along with our son, there would have been no argument. Now I am afraid she has alienated our son from us.
Grandpa says: Yep, she sure sounds like trouble, all right! Imagine trying to bring closeness between the parents of the man she loves and her own small, innocent, children. She must be crazy to think family members can be close-knit. The indignation of hoping her children would love you! You were absolutely right to close yourself off to those impressionable toddlers! They don’t deserve to have a grandmother, or even step grandmother, who would teach them how to be so hateful and uncaring. Thank you for pushing them out of your life into their nuclear family where love abounds. I wish Hansel and Gretel had met you instead of that witch they pushed into the oven. She sounded like she had some socially-redeeming qualities, in comparison.
Grandpa,
There is a clerk in the coffee shop I go to every morning that is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. I do my best to be pleasant and chat with him. He is polite, but I can’t get him to loosen up and talk to me. I always order exactly the same thing hoping that he will remember me and that would be a great place to start a conversation. I always wish him a good morning and ask how he is. His response is always, “What can I get for you this morning?” How can I get him to notice me and strike up a conversation?
Grandpa says: You show up at the busiest time of his day and expect him to drop everything to be social with you? All you know about him is that he is good looking. You want him to remember you? Start going to a different coffee shop.
Grandpa says: For those who keep track of these things, this week is Grandpa’s 500th column in The Voice. Thank you for your loyal readership