Grandpa,
I think I am in love with my brother’s wife. She and I spend a lot of time together shopping, going out together, staying in and watching movies together. She is a very attractive woman. She has no idea that I am a lesbian. No one in my family has. My problem is that my brother works nights and my sister-in-law has invited me to spend the night at their house on more than one occasion. I have accepted a few times and each time I have been tempted to approach her. I have not yet done anything to express my physical attraction to her but my resolve is weakening.
Grandpa says: Why are you afraid to out yourself? You know who you are and your family seems to love and accept you. Be yourself and face who you are. That does not mean you should proposition your brother’s wife. Respect the fact that she is family. If she is really as good a friend as you believe, she will accept the fact of who you are. The friendship will not change. Don’t try to add a layer of deceit to your already closeted deceit. Trust is like a pie crust; once broken it can never be repaired. You may find that what you think is love may be affection in a brotherly love rather than a romantic love. It is very easy to get them confused, especially when you are still in the closet. Just be honest about yourself and to yourself.
Grandpa,
I am very disappointed in my youngest daughter. She has only had a driver’s license for less than a month and she has already run off the road and gotten stuck in a ditch. I took away her driving privileges for a month. My wife tells me that I am being too strict; I should forgive the girl for driving like a woman. How else is she going to learn to be a responsible driver if I don’t keep her accountable for her actions?
Grandpa says: What is your favorite sport? Baseball? Football? Hockey? Whatever it is, how did the pros get to be where they are? Yes, practice. They practice all year long; in season and out. How did you get to be a stoic pigheaded tyrant? You practice, such as in this situation. Ease off and let your daughter get the practice she needs. As to being ashamed, you should be. Not in your daughter, in yourself. You are like the grade school teacher who yells at a child, “Spell it right!” without ever telling the child how to spell it. Sure, your daughter passed the test to get a license. That means she has demonstrated basic skills. Nobody expects her to be an expert in order to get a license. Well, no one except you, that is. As to the crack about women drivers; if women are such bad drivers, how come so many of them are recruited to drive school busses? School bus drivers carry the most precious cargo on the planet. My point is ease up on your daughter.
Got something stuck in your craw? Ask Grandpa. Address your letters to Ask Grandpa c/o The Voice, PO Box 123,
Aurora, IL 60507 or send an E-mail to askgrandpa@thevoice.us.