Grandpa,
I advertise on (an internet ad space) when I have things for sale. I always mark the spot that says not to contact me with other offers of services. Trades persons seem to respect that, but lately I have been getting replies from those who are wanting to (date). I am talking about very blunt statements, such as (examples have been deleted by Grandpa for the sake of propriety). When I respond that I am not interested, I often get obscene messages back, as if I offended someone.
Grandpa says; There are a lot of sick individuals out in the world. You have to expect to meet a few when you advertise on social media. Try print ads. I suggest that you never respond to any inappropriate messages you get. All that does is reward the sick mind that is seeking a thrill at your expense.
Grandpa,
I have been trying to make poached eggs in the microwave oven. I have heard of it being done. My problem is that my yolks keep exploding. I do pierce them with a toothpick to let the air out, but they explode any way. Can you tell me how to do it so that the yolks stay intact and I don’t have to clean egg off the walls in the microwave?
Grandpa says: I find that making poached eggs in the microwave is far less efficient than doing them stove-top. You are right about piercing the yolk. The albumen, or white, has a surface tension that needs to be broken. I have had some success by heating the water before putting in the egg. While the water is heating, separate the white from the yolk. Stir the white without bringing it to the point of froth. Put the yolk back into the white and puncture the surface of the yolk. You can now pour this egg into the heated water. Lower the power setting on your microwave if you have that function available to you. Use less power and more time and you should have a perfectly poached egg. I recommend using a microwave for poaching eggs only if you cannot use a stove-top. Some things just cannot be cooked properly in the “nuker”.
Grandpa,
I don’t know which fork to use on which items at a formal dinner. I have been invited to one and don’t want to look like a clod.
Grandpa says: A good rule of thumb is to use the fork farthest from your plate on the first course. The server will remove it when (s)he clears the dishes. Then, on the second course, use the same rule, the fork that is now the farthest from your plate. Work your way in on each successive course.
Grandpa says: Just a bit of folly for April Fool’s Day, an original poem:
Yes, I am a wordsmith.
Writing is my chosen trade.
Conjunctions, participles,
Verbs and nouns on parade.
Ideas served like petit fours
And daily mix of metaphors.
I could make my point so well
If only I could learn to spell.
Got something stuck in your craw? Ask Grandpa. Address your letters to Ask Grandpa c/o The Voice, PO Box 123, Aurora, IL 60507 or send an E-mail to askgrandpa@thevoice.us.