Grandpa,
My husband is a wonderful man, very loving, and works hard to make sure we can afford the nicer things in life. In turn, I do not ask for frivolous things. We live modestly and are happy with our life. We own our home, free and clear. My mother-in-law is the salt of the earth. I would do anything for her, and I know she would do the same for me.
Here is the rub: My sister-in-law rides a broom and rides it rough shot over her mother and brother. Before (husband) and I were married she told him he has to choose between marrying me or being a part of his birth family. Any family function wherein she has any say, we are not invited. His mother, over the years has taken to skipping these family functions to spend time with us. I know she misses seeing her grandchildren. My husband and I have no children so Mom’s only grandchildren are my sister-in-law’s kids. I hurt for Mom’s loss. She does not deserve to be put into the middle of this situation.
The hardest thing is that I know why my husband’s sister hates me. I was a divorcee when we were married and my sister-in-law says I had no right to ever marry again. She said her catechisms teach that a divorced woman becomes a whore if she remarries. Grandpa, I am not Catholic so I cannot argue what her catechisms teach. Nor do I care. A few years back we got a Christmas card returned marked “Refused. Return to sender.” I have not attempted to send to her any sort of greeting card since. Every so often my husband gets a text that reads, “Have you left your whore yet?” At first it was hurtful that (husband) just ignored the texts. I wished he would tell her off. Now he doesn’t even tell me about them anymore. I just feel badly Mom cannot have both of her children in her life.
Grandpa says: Can you see why Grandpa is not fond of the religions created by man? You are not the cause of your mother-in-law’s loss of her grandchildren. The choices that your sister-in-law make are her choices. Same goes for your mother-in-law. You are, however, responsible for the choices you make. You have chosen to love your mother-in-law unconditionally, right? Well, unconditional love means you respect her decisions. If she chooses to spend time with you instead of her daughter, respect that decision! Be pleasant and upbeat, not sorrowful that she isn’t seeing her grandkids. Your feelings of guilt are misplaced. I know that many families have such quarrels within.
It is my opinion that if your sister-in-law has chosen to push away her brother and you, thus pushing away her mother, she is probably doing you all a favor. Grandpa feels badly for the children who are being cheated out of the relationship they could have with their grandmother, their uncle, and their aunt. Your husband’s sister has a mental problem. Forgive her, avoid her. I bid you peace.
Got something stuck in your craw? Ask Grandpa. Address your letters to Ask Grandpa c/o The Voice, PO Box 123, Aurora, IL 60507 or send an E-mail to askgrandpa@thevoice.us.