Grandpa,
I just read an online advice column where the lady was whining that her husband does not lock all the doors and windows, set the alarms, and turn on all the outside lights before going to bed. I have the opposite problem. My other half won’t stop locking everything. I am an invalid. I get lots of visits from emergency response teams, as many as six a year. I cannot get him to understand that a locked door can cost minutes when it comes to getting oxygen into me. Those are very critical minutes. I love my husband and want to be around him as much as possible. A locked door can put an end to that very quickly.
Grandpa says: Personal security means different things to different persons. Every person has legitimate reasons for their way of viewing security. The news media, the members who make it their stock in trade to sell fear, have convinced many that the whole world is out to get you. That fact of the matter is that the number of dangerous persons on the planet is miniscule when compared to the total population. It sounds like a lot when all we hear on the news is the crime reports. Other than in The Voice, how much good news do you get to read about? Grandpa has said it before: People love to play the victim. I can understand and appreciate your plight. My late wife had a terminal illness and we never locked our doors or patio. Our dogs were trained to stay out of the way of rescue personnel. As our dog trainer said, “Security includes protecting the people who protect us.”
Grandpa,
I think I want to break off my engagement. All the time I was dating (her), she was a refined lady; very proper and polite. She was a delight to be near. After I proposed and she accepted, she changed. Her table manners have gone away, she slurps instead of sips her coffee. She belches publicly and loudly. I think she must have been putting on an act to catch a guy. Now that she has one, she is reverting to her Cro-Magnon roots. I have told her that I’m not happy with her crude behavior and I expect her to become civilized again. She has not, so my question is, when I do break it off with her? Am I entitled to get the ring back?
Grandpa says: If she acts like a cave woman, maybe you should carry a club. But I like your civilized approach better. I cannot give legal advice because I am not an attorney. I can, however, paraphrase what I have heard Judge Judy say many times. An engagement ring is a gift given in anticipation of a marriage. If the marriage does not take place, the gift should be returned to the giver. Before you derail the marriage, you might want to look into couples counseling. It sounds like you are only seeing a small part of a deeper issue. If you need a counselor, I can recommend some.
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