Couple’s auspicious beginning held with common interests

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Their love affair lasted eight weeks.

From late October to just after Christmas.

No more. No less.

He had sent her a PM (personal message) on Facebook asking if she would have coffee with him. She replied in the affirmative. They set a day and time to meet at Panara’s. Her first thought was “What an attractive man.” He was trim and fit with a blue stripped dress shirt and black slacks. She wore a navy blue blazer with white turtleneck.

They began the conversation talking about their respective jobs. His was an engineer in Salt Lake City working on the rejuvenation of the Symphony Hall. Hers was for the Chamber of Commerce in Salt Lake City. They realized they lived about 30 minutes apart from different sides of the city.

They both liked classical music, picnics, reading, baking and cooking, gardening and many others. Not the least of which they were both conservative Republicans and Catholic and each had one living child. They were contemporaries in their early 60s. He was bald with piercing blue eyes that seemed, to her, to dance.

With such a seemingly auspicious beginning, they began to keep company by going to restaurants, to concerts, to the ballet. He didn’t kiss her until their fifth date. That was a puzzle to her because most men she had dated tried for a kiss after the first evening together. He never explained the why of that and she did not press the issue. In a way she was glad he was not a masher and tried to grab her.

He was a dog enthusiast and she could not be around dogs due to allergies. She had never dated anyone who had pets previously so this was a bit annoying how he always had to leave early to go home and feed the dogs. She realized soon enough she was not a priority with him.

His calm manners and his gentleman ways soon enough gave way to temper outbursts and distancing. He stopped bringing her little gifts that he knew would please her, including a bottle of her favorite perfume, fancy argyle socks and French milled soaps. She realized that even though she was emotionally attached to him, he was not to her.

Thus, sooner than expected, he sent her an E-mail saying goodbye. It was a shock and sad and difficult. Her close friends were shocked and then angry at him for treating her so shabbily. They thought he was a player who never intended to be honest with her or engage in a long-term romance.

Thus, was it ever to be that one man and one woman found meaning in one another for a short time. Thus, it was that each one had a personal agenda going into the situation. His was to see if he could get the girl. It was simply a game to him and one that involved an innocent heart. So for that he was a cad, a cur. Hers was for a solid, long-term relationship. Their two desires did not match.

The river of life continues onward, for just a short while.

Their separate paths never did cross again. After her grieving, she met a fine gentleman and two years later, they were wed. His was a series of short-term relationships and at the first conflict, he left. He was not a man to get his feet wet and at first disagreement, he bolted. He died alone and his ashes remained unclaimed.

Maybe that, after all, was what he wanted. No attachment. No responsibilities. No one to ask him for anything, whether his time, or, attention, or finances. He probably had been for all his adult life a narcissist. He was the center of his own universe. One that did not include loving another person.

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