With the American Dream currently turning into the American Nightmare because of our Anarchist-in-Chief’s attempts at hosting an international version of the game show Let’s Make a Deal, I’ve decided that it’s a waste of time to rehash any of his threats to democracy and the sinking value of our dollar. Instead I’d like to focus on information that will hopefully enrich our daily lives or, if nothing else, take up space in The Voice. As Oscar Wilde once said, “It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.” Too bad you aren’t alive today, Oscar. You’d be in hog heaven.
Did you ever wonder where or how Toad Suck, Arkansas got its name? Neither did I until I started to write this piece. Back in the days when the best way to cross the Arkansas River was by barge, on a bank of the River stood a tavern frequented by bargemen where they would chug down vast quantities of rum and moonshine. Some astute, still sober, non-bargeman patron noticed that they would “suck on bottles until they swelled up like toads.” It appears the name stuck. Now I’d like someone to tell me how Arkansas got its name to end in “…sas” instead of “…saw” as it’s pronounced. Or vice versa. Or whatever. Too much toad sucking would be my guess.
Another favorite town name of mine is Dry Prong, Louisiana. I don’t know how it got that handle, but if you’ve ever been afflicted with a dry prong, you know how painful it can be. There must have been a large number of people hopping around in discomfort throughout the area.
Did you know that in 2007, the It’s a Small World ride in Disneyland, where boats floating guests along the canal that winds through various simulated countries of the world depicted by dancing, costumed figurines while the “It’s a Small World After All” theme song plays in a repetitive loop ad nauseam, had to close down for a year? Well, the boats began to bottom out in a couple of spots on the canal and get stuck. Helpful Disney workers had to come in and either unstick the craft or escort the passengers out. The park determined that since Disneyland opened in 1955 when the attraction was designed, the average passenger was now 25 pounds heavier and soon to be three or four pounds heavier than Jabba the Hutt. They’d tried sending boats up the canal with empty seats if too many overweight people got on board, but they finally decided to just close the attraction and make the water channel deeper. In the near future, the theme song will be revised to “It’s a Fat World After All.”
Here’s a medical invention from the 1910s that might easily bring in millions for Donald Trump if he started hawking it today to his MAGA fans. It was called the Prostate Gland Warmer and Recto Rotor. It consisted of a 4-1/2 inch probe with a blue light bulb on the end and a nine-foot electrical cord with a plug wired to the other end that the victim, sorry, patient, would plug into any convenient, new-fangled electrical outlet. As the name implies, the probe was inserted into the forenamed orifice until the select body parts were sufficiently warmed or turned to charcoal by an unexpected voltage spike. Since electrical power was still in its infancy in 1910, I assume the Rotor came in a gas-powered version as well. I’m guessing that’s where the term “gaslighting “ may have originated once the flame on the probe was lit. The device also was responsible for the rapid spread of gas being replaced by electricity to power probes throughout the Nation.
That’s all for today, kids. It is my sincerest hope that you are now better prepared to take your shot at being a Jeopardy! guest.