Once again, it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the stock market’s up, inflation, gas prices, Donald Trump’s poll numbers and the value of his Truth Social stock are down and dropping lower every day. The only things on the rise in Donny Dum Dum’s world are the number of tweets he’s getting that ridicule him. I won’t get into the Harris/Trump debate because the news media and late night TV hosts have pretty much covered it and have come up with better lines to mock Trump’s inanity than I could have. Even the Emmy Awards show managed to get in some digs.
I do have a few questions for Wild Bill “Haitians ate my Iguana” Suhayda who believes everything that congenital liar and quasi-biological life form Trump says:
•In which state in our country is it legal to kill newborn babies?
•Which TV news programs did you see that showed immigrants eating household pets?
•Why does toast always land butter side down when you accidentally drop it?
•Where is the photo of Trump’s inauguration showing his crowd bigger than Martin Luther King Jr.’s?
•Where are the polls showing Trump won the debate by a wide margin?
•Are Burt and Ernie gay?
•Can you name one immigrant in prison who had forced transgender surgery?
•Why is nude dingo wrestling allowed at Mar-a-Lago?
•How about the names of some kids who went to school one gender and came home another?
These should be easy questions for Wild Bill or some of his spineless MAGA ciphers to answer to prove their fearless leader doesn’t lie.
I’m getting weary of responding to Suhayda’s fake news this week. I’m positive I’ll have many more opportunities to do so farther down the road, so here’s something completely different: An extended senior moment of mine that took place the other night while my wife and I were watching a movie on TV. I wrote about this extended senior moment in The Voice a couple of years back, but since it happened again, I felt it was worth repeating. It went something like this:
Me: Oh, look. See that guy?
She: Who?
Me: That guy right there.
She: Yeah? So what?
Me: Yeah. You know who he reminds me of?
She: Who?
Me: That guy who was dating that girl…
She: What girl?
Me: You know, the one that was in that film.
She: What film?
Me: The one that lost the Academy Award to that other one….
She: What other one?
Me: C’mon, you know. The one that, that girl was in…the girl who was dating that guy who reminds me of that other guy.
She: I don’t know.
Me: You must know. Everybody knows.
She: You don’t.
Me. I do know. I just can’t think of it right now.
We watched in silence for a couple of minutes. Then…
Me: I think his name starts with an “S.”
She: Whose name?
Me: That guy who that other guy reminds me of.
She: Jimmy Stewart.
Me: No.
She: Sam Shepard.
Me: No. He doesn’t look anything like Sam Shepard.
She: How would you know if you can’t remember who he reminds you of?
Me: I know that much. Maybe it was a “G.”
She: Gary Cooper.
Me: No. More recent.
She: Godzilla.
Me: Now you’re being funny.
She: No I’m not. If you can’t remember what’s-his-name, it could be anybody. Gary Cooper, Danny Devito, Godzilla…who knows?
Me: Well, you can’t remember either.
She: I don’t even know what I’m trying to remember. Be quiet and watch the movie.
Me: I can’t. This is going to bother me for the rest of the night.
I watched the movie for a bit until it hit me.
Me: Johnny Depp!
She: Johnny Depp?
Me: Yeah, that’s who that guy reminds me of. Doesn’t he remind you of Johnny Depp?
She: No.
Me: Sure he does.
She: He reminds me more of Godzilla.
It was useless. We watched the rest of the movie. No matter what she thought, that guy reminded me of what’s-his-name.
Before I go, here’s a word of caution: Watch out for Haitians with bits of fur clinging to their lips. You may see them running scared with Wild Bill Suhayda chasing them with a meat cleaver.