Have you been receiving your fair share of “junk mail,” dear reader: All of those retail advertisements; solicitations from charitable organizations; offers of books, magazines, and newspapers which will improve your life? Would you like to know how to receive even more?
If you answered “yes” to either question, you deserve a knock on the head. If you answered “yes” to both questions, you deserve two knocks on the head.
Actually, you don’t need to do anything. Under the capitalist system of economics, you’ll get junk mail automatically, even if you no longer exist.
Why is that, you may ask?
If you have responded to only one piece of mail in any of the above categories out of curiosity, you will be placed on a permanent mailing list and receive junk mail ad infinitum. And the organization which sent that mail will never, ever purge you from that list for any reason – even if you ask them to do so.
Why is that, you may ask?
One source of revenue, beyond the money you provided with a positive response, is the selling of those mail lists to similar organizations. The longer the list, the more revenue the seller gets.
I’d like to share with you two personal examples of this madness.
In 1964, I was old enough to participate in my first presidential election. I didn’t care for the Republican candidate, Barry Goldwater; instead, I cast my vote for the Democratic candidate, Lyndon B. Johnson. The following year, LBJ began sending American troops to Vietnam in order to protect the Vietnamese from the “scourge” of international communism. At first, I was neutral concerning this action; but, in 1967, I learned the recent history of Southeast Asia, which caused me to stop being neutral and become an anti-war protestor.
Although I stopped being a registered Democrat, I remained on the mailing list of the Democratic Party. I have never been removed from it, even though I now call myself an Independent, and I received the usual ton of solicitations during the recent election cycle. I am still a “fellow Democrat,” don’t you know? (BTW, all that mail goes into “File 13.”)
Want a good laugh, dear reader? I once found myself on the mailing list of the Republican Party. Thankfully, that didn’t last long.
My second example is sheer craziness. I have been the recipient of mailings for the past 30-plus years from two organizations which claim to be auto-repair insurance companies. Their letters start off with the statement that “our records show that your coverage is about to expire and you should renew ASAP,” or words to that effect. I’ve viewed those solicitations as scams, because I have not owned an automobile since February 1982. No, dear reader, that is not a typo. But these jokers will keep sending the same stupid letters long after I expire on the forlorn hope that I will finally respond, even from the grave.
How does one get off these lists? One avenue is to become a hermit. You build a cabin in the wilderness, grow your own food and/or hunt and gather game and wild fruits and vegetables, and restrict your contacts with people to a chosen few who will keep your secret. A prime example of this method was the experience of the 19th-Century writer Henry David Thoreau, who recorded his life in the wilderness in his most famous work, Walden (1854).
If that is too radical for you, dear reader, here is a simpler choice. Move to another location and forget to fill out a change-of-address form for the Postal Service. The problem of junk mail will then be transferred to the person(s) who move into your old address. Keep moving like that until no one knows where you are.
Just a thought.