Editor’s note: Recently in The Voice, the announcement was made of the death of the conductor of the column, Ask Grandpa, which provided readers with 503 weeks of sage advice, humor, and continuity. Below is the repeat of the January 21, 2021 column. The Voice will continue to offer previous columns. We invite special requests of previous columns.
Grandpa,
My doctor does not understand how difficult it is for a woman of my age to lose weight. She keeps on my case about I need to lose at least one pound a week. She is young and athletic and does not have a weight problem. I don’t need any advice; I just want to vent. (Grandpa opted to edit out the rant that followed.)
Grandpa says: My beloved Grandmother used to say that weight problems are caused by gravity, not gravy. She had an apron embroidered with “Count blessings, not calories.” Grandpa does not give medical advice. To help you be better able to cope with the stress, Grandpa suggests that you keep a diary of what, and how much of each item, you eat every day. Get a digital scale and weigh yourself when you first get up each day. Then you can go back to the doctor armed with facts and not frustration.
Grandpa,
My friend stays on my case about the fact that I smoke cigarettes. She keeps incense burning in her house and at her store. I say that the smoke from the incense is just as unhealthy as the smoke from the cigarettes. She claims it is much different. We agreed to ask you, what is the difference between the smoke from a cigarette and the smoke from incense?
Grandpa says: The amount of tax that is levied on each.
Grandpa,
In Romans 7:15 Paul says,” For that which I do I allow not; for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that I do.” My friend tells me that Paul is actually quoting the Quran. I do not know of any kind of a Concordance for the Quran to verify what he is saying. Is Paul really quoting the Quran or is my friend just blowing smoke?
Grandpa says: Paul is not quoting the Quran. He is expressing the same idea as is written in Qu’ran 2:216 where we read, “It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not.” By studying both books, you will find many, many instances where both Scriptures teach identical lessons with similar wording. Both Scriptures are, after all, inspired by the same Lord and Creator.
Grandpa,
We have a pizza riding on this bet. The quote is, “Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.” I say it was Abraham Lincoln. He said it when he was nominated to run for president. My buddy says it was John Kennedy, just after he saved the PT 109. Which president said it?
Grandpa says: If either of them said it, they were paraphrasing Malvolio in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Looks to me like the best way to settle your bet is for both of you to pitch in and send that pizza to me. Be sure to have anchovies and olives on it, thank you.