Ever wonder?
Do you ever wonder what happened to the neutron bomb? Neither do I. I’m kidding. I do wonder because it was supposed to be the next big thing in ultimate weaponry. When detonated, it would kill people due to radiation poisoning and not destroy their stuff, things such as buildings, junk left in storage facilities and expired yogurt, or moldy leftovers in their refrigerators, i.e., all the stuff worth keeping.
President Ronald Reagan was all hot to get going on the bombs as soon as he was elected, so they eventually could be deployed in various locations in western Europe. But much to his chagrin, western Europeans weren’t overly excited about their possible impending destruction. Buildings, objects in their storage facilities, and refrigerators had no complaints, but the human-type did, whining that the bombs were inhumane. They’d rather have the good old-fashioned humane-type nuclear bombs that destroy both people and their stuff.
What could any survivors do with moldy leftovers anyway? Everything and everybody might as well be eradicated. Anyhow, a few years later, after watching Star Wars 37 times, Reagan became more excited about the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI), or the Star Wars Program, which was much cooler with imminent death coming from outer space rather than from a common, tried-and-true nuclear warhead on an airplane. The neutron bomb went on the back burner.
Other countries still clung to the idea of having their own neutron bombs, mainly because they couldn’t afford any sexy SDI stuff, so they kept developing them. France, Russia, China and even a small country such as Mister Roger’s Neighborhood to name a few. One unavoidable flaw with a neutron bomb is that if you happen to be covered by 24 inches of damp soil (and who isn’t these days?), you’re safe from the deadly radiation released by the bomb, which makes them ineffective weapons against vampires.
Such situations create havoc with our foreign policy, which would be extremely serious if anyone knew what our foreign policy was. Donald Trump made it simple: He bluntly stated he wouldn’t deal with anyone having an accent, except Appalachian mountain-types uneducated enough to believe what he said even though they were foreign to him, and that was that. Joe Biden is keeping foreign policy a secret until he can figure it out.
American capitalism, which is good for the world except for poor countries that have neither capital nor ism, has its own shadow foreign policy operating under the radar. One part of it is selling products no longer favored in the U.S. because of deleterious health effects, such as those caused by tobacco, or Barry Manilow albums, to third world countries.
After years of research by concerned scientists who forced rats and other unsuspecting animal types to smoke cartons of cigarettes a day, they came to the conclusion that animals shouldn’t be forced to smoke. Because of this exhaustive research, the government required tobacco companies to place dire warning labels on cigarette packs, such as: “Warning! The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking causes cancer and other not-so-nice health problems in rats and cute bunnies. Do not smoke near rats and bunnies.”
It caused tobacco sales to decline, while boosting populations of vermin and rabbits. The ever-astute tobacco industry, with an eye clearly on massive profits in those third world countries where people don’t care about rats and bunnies and routinely eat them, began giving away a free Barry Manilow album with each carton of cigarettes purchased. These sly capitalists also have the benefit of being able to deflect blame for causing COPD and lung cancer deaths to Barry Manilow’s music.
But I digress. In fact, I’ve digressed so far I forgot what the original subject was. It was either neutron bombs or Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. If it was the former, I have nothing else to add. If it was the latter, check out the DVD Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (It really exists). It’s easier than trying to understand the language Jane used.