I had fully intended to spend my few hundred words here bad-mouthing Donald Trump, a guy who spent nearly a year of his first term cheating on the golf course, and his failed self-serving dictatorial birthday parade, thinly disguised by him as a tribute to the Army for its 250th birthday. But I had second thoughts, figuring I’d already wasted more than enough of my valuable column space here in The Voice on Narcissist Boy when I could have been writing about more interesting things such as transgender aardvarks or the sad history of the semicolon (or the large colon, for that matter). Then I had third thoughts and figured, nah, Trump’s always a reliable subject. I choose Door Number 3.
Take his aforementioned birthday parade. He had expected more than 200,000 worshipers to show up and had fenced off a park area where they could congregate. Fewer than 10,000 arrived and some of them were actually there for the Army’s birthday. Even the majority of members of congress flew the coup.
The 6,600 troops were not happy marching for Der Fuehrer, the cretin who sees them as suckers and losers, viewing it as a waste of time for. Many of them subtly showed their displeasure by marching out of step and smiling, destroying the powerful Nazi-like threatening, imposing presence Donny had hoped to present to the world and his despot buddies in Russia, North Korea, China, Hungary, and any other countries where democracy no longer exists or never existed.
President Donny had been sniveling about the small crowd size and weak, non-threatening atmosphere of the parade all week, and finally decided Pete Hegseth was to blame for the soldiers not looking fascist enough. What would you expect from a draft dodging convicted felon and rapist? Anyway, it was nice to see that blame land on Hegseth’s head even though Trump was the one at fault.
I loved the aerial shot of Trump’s miserably attended parade posted beside an aerial shot of the millions of Americans attending No Kings protests taking place at the same time in major U.S. cities. In his infinite (or non-existent, depending on your point of view) wisdom, the current White House squatter had cut funding for veteran affairs, education, Medicare, Medicaid, cancer research, the CDC, SNAP, EPA, affordable housing, PBS and NPR, and FEMA so he could spend $45 million on his parade and all he got was a fascist flop. Now what’s a poor dictator to do?
I guess it’s go and bomb somebody already. “Make America Great Again: Bomb the Snot Out of Iran.” (Bumper stickers will soon be available on the One America and Truth Social sites.) That’s the perfect way to put the focus back where it belongs and look like you’re the Savior to the World, not to be outdone by Israel or any European Unions or wimpy diplomacy. “Nobody’s going to make me look like a sissy in front of Vladimir. I’ll show them. (Insert Trump sticking his tongue out here.)” Sure, presidents back to Ronald Reagan would have loved to blow Iran out of existence, but they were smart enough to think ahead and how it would destabilize the Middle East and possibly lead to a world war. Gee whiz, do you think if we destroy half their country they might be a little upset and strike back in some form? Maybe destroy our electric grids? Or our water supply? Or activate terror cells in our cities to send suicide bombers into McDonalds?
Our Dear Leader is too short-sighted and egotistical to let something like universal annihilation or Happy Meal destruction get the better of him, a guy who doesn’t even know when World War II ended.
The MAGA crowd is finally beginning to realize that “America First” really meant “Trump First.”