Editor’s note: Recently in The Voice, the announcement was made of the death of the conductor of the column, Ask Grandpa, which provided readers with 503 weeks of sage advice, humor, and continuity. Below is the repeat of the September 30, 2021 column. The Voice will continue to offer previous columns. We invite special requests of previous columns.
Grandpa,
When my husband was alive, he took great pains to raise our only son to be smart with his money. Both men were very good money managers. When my husband passed, I felt confident having my son manage my affairs. He has been doing it now for (several) years. I live well, if not wealthy. I am getting feedback from ladies at church and the senior center that I ought not trust my son because it will end up badly. I want to trust my son. He has no reason to steal from me because when I go, everything goes to him, anyway. Do you think I am being naive? Should I ask my son for an accounting of my assets? I don’t want to insult him. He always has been good to me.
Grandpa says; There is an old saying in business, “You can gauge what a person is going to do based upon what he has done in the past.” If you are happy with the current situation, why change it? Where do you get the negative feedback? Various hen houses? Well, let the old birds cluck all they want. You have the eggs in your basket.
Grandpa,
My father died in Vietnam. My mother always told me that he was a great hero and filled me with stories of some of his exploits. When she passed recently, I was going through her papers and memorabilia. I found letters that she had gotten from him; very stark letters. He was cheating on her with some local women. He was not killed in action, but in a bar fight. I am very disappointed in both of my parents. Dad for hurting Mom and Mom for lying to me all of those years. I don’t understand why she would cover for the man who ripped her heart out with every letter he sent home.
Grandpa says; You don’t understand because you were not a part of their personal relationship, not directly, anyway. I would hazard to guess that your mother was very deeply in love with your father. I might pre-suppose that she was wise enough to understand that your father may not have been mature enough to go off to war. Many soldiers were drafted before they were ready to leave their home. That is one reason the draft was eliminated. It is possible that your Mom wanted to be proud of her man and created stories for her benefit as well as yours. None of us will ever know for certainty why she told you what she did. Whatever her motive, however, you can rest assured that it was not evil. Your mother was expressing her love for your father, her love for you, and a dream that she was never able to see fulfilled. She did not carry lies to her grave; she carried a tear-stained broken heart. Let her rest now. She has suffered a life-long loss. She did not want you to suffer the same kind of loss so she did what she could to help you honor Dad. Peace.