Editor’s note: Recently in The Voice, the announcement was made of the death of the conductor of the column, Ask Grandpa, which provided readers with 503 weeks of sage advice, humor, and continuity. Below is the repeat of the July 15, 2021 column. The Voice will continue to offer previous columns. We invite special requests of previous columns.
Grandpa,
We have some friends that we have known for many years. We used to get along great. They were a wonderful couple and loads of fun to be around. That is until about three months after I got pregnant. That is when they announced that they are pregnant, too. They are a very competitive couple. They decided to have a very elaborate wedding just to upstage us. We didn’t see a need to get married right away. With the cost of having a baby, we would rather have not gone to the expense. Our daughter is now about to turn one year old. She is 11 weeks older than their daughter. And they are always telling us about all the things that their brat can do better than our little angel. Their kid is just plain undisciplined. She cries all the time. I don’t think they have a very happy home life. I know that their house is always messy. They claim that there are more important things in life than housework. We don’t go over to their place any more, but they are always dropping in on us, especially on weekends around dinner time. I am getting tired of the attitude of superiority they have. Lately they have been telling us that it is time for us to get married. We are happy as things are between us and don’t need a big show of a wedding that we cannot afford. I just want them out of my life, but I don’t want to be rude about it.
Grandpa says: Sounds to me like you all have some competitiveness that you brought into the relationship. Both couples are trying to not only live life as you want, you are both trying to convince the other that your lifestyle is the more correct one. Your lifestyle is right for you but not for them. And vice-versa. Accept that fact and you can accept them. People get competitive when they feel inferior to others. If you choose to end the friendship, do so; then find friends over whom you can feel superior. And in very short order, you will find the new friends dumping you. You will never have truly good friends until you grow up.
Grandpa,
My wife is a very good cook save for my favorite dish. She cannot make biscuits to save her gravy. Saturday mornings are ruined by her biscuits. Then to top it off, she has started to put fried eggs on top of the biscuits and gravy. I have asked her not to do that but she says I need the protein. How can I ask her to not bake paving stones for my breakfast anymore without hurting her feelings?
Grandpa says: Let her know that the egg detracts from her masterpiece. Take her in your arms, hold her close, tell her all of her good points. Ask her what kind of leavening she uses in the biscuits. Let her know that it would be fun to experiment with making them fluffier. Be as soft and tender as you want the biscuits to be.