Ask Grandpa: Varied relationships require examination

Ask Grandpa
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(Not many) weeks ago I moved in with my new boyfriend. We had a moving sale and I sold off anything that he already had, including bed, kitchen things, linens, basically everything but my clothes and jewelry. We had to because his apartment is not big enough to hold extra stuff.
That was a big mistake. Now I am not much more than his housekeeper and (concubine.) I am stuck in a relationship that has no future. This is not what I had in mind when he asked me to move in with him. I want out, but have no place to go and nothing of my own. I can’t go to a women’s shelter because he is not physically abusive. He isn’t even mentally abusive. He is just not romantic, and I am bored. I guess the best way to put it is that he is emotionally empty. He isn’t rude or vulgar. Our love life already is mundane. I want to leave him. I met a man at a bar a couple of days ago. I have been with him twice already and I want to move in with him. He told me no because we don’t know each other well enough yet. Should I keep pursuing him or start looking for another guy?

Grandpa says: I sent to you the E-mail address of a good therapist. Contact her. Your problem is much deeper than just boredom in a relationship.
At this point in your life you do not seem to have the functionality to be in a real relationship. You are like the little girl riding a unicorn, looking for a prince that does not exist. In the search you are using many individuals. It is hurtful to you and the men you use. Stop being the victim of your own distortions. You called yourself a very degrading name which I cleaned up for publication. That is not who you are. You have the right to be happy. You never will know happiness until you learn to be content. Please, contact the doctor whose name and E-mail address I sent to you. She knows much more about your type of issues than I do. I bid you peace.

I am in love with my wife. There is no question about that. We have been married (more than seven decades). This whole past Summer has seen some big changes in her and I am worried. Sometimes I can walk into a room and she is sitting quietly and crying. When I ask her what is wrong, she just says she is so happy that we are together. I am happy that we are together, too. But I don’t get emotional or cry about it. I spoke with her doctor and he said it is just a phase she is going through. What do you think?

Grandpa says: You were right to talk with her doctor. It could be anything from gratitude for a good life to the first throws of dementia. Keep her doctor posted. And sit with her and hold her hand. You are both blessed.

Got something stuck in your craw? Ask Grandpa. Address your letters to Ask Grandpa c/o The Voice, 314 N. Lake Street, Suite 2, Aurora, IL 60506 or send an E-mail to

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