As I sit here composing this piece, at this very moment, no, that moment is past, at this very moment, no, that one is past now. These moments go by too quickly to latch on to one. Anyway, I’m psyching myself up for another kidney stone surgery, which will be
I’ve had enough of cold February, Febrero in Spanish, and Xp$qt*Z in Klingon, and I’m glad it’s finally gone. But if your birthday is in February, you may not feel the same. Those with a February birthday were born under the two zodiac signs, Aquarius and Pisces, or the all-encompassing
Did we all enjoy the arctic blast that descended on us last week? Of course not. It’s never fun to have icicles dangling off your frostbitten nose, or Inuit tribes traipsing through your backyard hunting polar bears. But it was the perfect opportunity for our Bonehead-in-Chief, on the advice from
If you have read my columns on a regular basis, you obviously have too much time on your hands. Nonetheless (I like it when I have a chance to use “nonetheless”), I endeavor to make my column educational so you readers will feel you won’t have wasted the valuable excess
By the time you read this, the presents under the tree all will have been unwrapped and returned from whence they came, credit card statements the length of War and Peace are in the mail, and veins and arteries are gasping for air, clogged with cholesterol from absorbing gallons of
For this week, I thought I might post some interesting (to me anyway), true facts I’ve gleaned from sources around the world and up your block. Feel free to use any of these facts to make you look smarter and better informed than the average troglodyte. Or, discard them, when
My colleague, Wayne Johnson, occasionally has graced this page with notes on his illustrious film “career.” The Chas never has appeared in a movie, although he always wanted to; but, he, a poor player, has strutted and fretted his hour upon the stage and then was heard no more, to
Winter is upon us. Maybe not just yet officially, but it feels just like it. In Al Demeter Park south of the Aurora Public Library, the trees have shed their beautiful Fall colors. Although the bears are hibernating in their dens, it’s still a good idea to take small children
Recently I was thinking about the days I was a newspaper delivery boy. Yes, younger readers, although I can’t speak for all worlds, there actually was a time in the history of our world when kids made money delivering newspapers. I wasn’t thinking about the newspapers, but about coincidences that
At the risk of sounding like a doddering, senile, old guy afraid of anything new, and life in the 21st Century generally, which I am, but I don’t want to sound like one, there are many things I would prefer that, when they reach a good point in their development,
During Labor Day weekend I lived up to the spirit of the holiday by doing labor: Cleaning gutters, moving furniture, and whining. The whining accounted for the majority of the labor. Speaking of labor, my unwritten rule for employment is to do just enough to keep from getting fired because,
I was never any good at sports, although I thought I wanted to be. My Little League career was hampered only by the fact I couldn’t catch, throw, run, or hit. I’m positive I would have been a much better player if I could have done those things. The other
I’ve avoided writing about political stuff lately because it’s been nearly impossible to find any humor in the things coming out of Trumpworld, a.k.a. The Swamp. But one great thing has happened: Scott Pruitt is history! If you have the opportunity or interest, read his letter of resignation. Pruitt writes
With the arrival of Summer my thoughts turn to baseball, beer, barbecue, beaches, and visions of sugar plums while my wife’s thoughts turn to the stupid list of household projects I was coerced into making with her in the early Spring. At the dawn of each rain-free day, the list
What’s in a name? A bunch of letters for one thing. Eons back, when I was a teenager with my friends, with nothing better to do one Summer day, we amused ourselves by looking up funny names in the Chicago phone book. We happened upon the last name on the
Weeds have been with us since they first came over on the Mayflower to seek a better life, especially in my yard, so I was all set to repeat my annual ritual of dumping some weed ‘n’ feed on my lawn. I changed my mind when I heard the angry
