Did you ever think about pounding a No. 2 pencil up your nose? Neither did I. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to something more beneficial to our well-being, such as meeting new people.
Many of us have been sheltering just like cloistered monks because of the pandemic. While we no longer feel it’s a problem (although it technically is for the ancient among us or for those with pre-existing conditions such as having No. 2 pencils already shoved up your nose), we’re getting back to doing things with friends who haven’t chosen to become deceased in the interim. If you find yourself in that situation (not deceased, but maybe otherwise devoid of friends), there are many ways to meet others similarly afflicted. In the interest of always providing a beneficial take-away for The Voice readers, I have a few suggestions to offer.
Clubs and organizations are one option. There you’ll find others with similar interests such as writing, residing frame houses with aluminum, or making road-kill pizzas. All of you can hang out together doing the things you love. Or you may meet a person of the opposite gender and because of your shared interest, develop a romantic relationship and go on to spend many intimate hours together painting graffiti on box cars or stapling each other’s underwear to the wall; fun things that you’ll never do again if you should end up getting married.
Meeting others at your workplace is another option. Sometimes a romantic relationship (if you’re in search of one) with a new hire can develop within days. The downside is that either of you is, or both of you are, technically married.
A gym, or other health-type complex is a good place to meet like-minded humans who are into sadomasochism. Additionally, nothing can compare to the wonderful feeling you get from being physically fit, except maybe eating a Wendy’s Triple and a large fry. And if you and your new-found fiends are in your 30s, or early 40s, the pain you’ll feel after a brisk workout, providing you aren’t in a coma and remembered to remove the scorpion from your back pocket before putting on your pants, is preparing you for the pains you’ll get later in life, especially the one that strikes with a vengeance when you receive your bill for Viagra.
Millions of humans are dog owners and meeting other pet owners at the local dog park can lead to many get-togethers, particularly through long lasting court battles if your dog, or undisciplined child, bites another dog, or child. If you own a pet other than a dog, a wild boar or Komodo dragon for instance, you’ll have to find an area wild boar or Komodo dragon park. Komodo dragons especially aren’t amenable to tugs-of-war with dogs over chew toys, or chasing thrown balls. They prefer swallowing canines whole, which is why it’s best to restrict them to Komodo dragon parks, where you and your new group of friends can enjoy their frolicking and watching their black tongues dart in and out of their mouths.
I hope my suggestions for developing new relationships have given you something to think about. As for me, I’m walking my scorpion to the scorpion park to find some new friends while avoiding new victims along the way.