News flash! Scientists have now discovered what type of meteorite (formerly known as meteorwrong) killed the dinosaurs. Thank the Lord. We’ve been on the edges of our seats for 66 million years for a definitive answer. It’s a bit late for the dinos unfortunately, but knowing dinosaurs, they didn’t give much of a rat’s buttocks anyway.
Those wacky scientists report that the six-mile-wide Chicxulub (meaning “kidney stone” in German) asteroid that touched down in the Yucatán Peninsula in Mexico was made of chondrite, a very rare rock form of carbon monoxide. Can you imagine how the dinosaurs would have felt had they known this? They still wouldn’t have given a rat’s patoot. I’m almost certain they would rather it be made of Cocoa Puffs.
The dinos’ wish may have been possible, oh ye of little faith, maybe not with Cocoa Puffs but with Frankenberry, because some other wacky scientists have discovered a simple sugar found in raspberries, erythrulose, has been discovered in the gas and dust at the center of the Milky Way as well as on asteroids. Even more beneficial to the human race than raspberries or Earth-destroying asteroids, erythrulose can be found in suntan lotion.
So what do these discoveries mean and how do they affect our modern day-to-day existence? Got me hanging. I was hoping to tie these facts together into some type of cohesive conclusion, but my brain has been made partially useless by the consumption of mass quantities of alcohol and high fructose corn syrup, not to mention advancing age as a bonus, over the better part of my life. The best I can offer is that if erythrulose-containing raspberries could have formed into puffs of Frankenberry that ultimately crashed into the Yucatán Peninsula, the dinosaurs would still be around applying Frankenberry suntan lotion to their scaly hides and I wouldn’t be around to write, and other human-type beings wouldn’t be around to read, my drivel.
Continuing on my sugarcoated puff theme, wacky researchers (as opposed to wacky scientists) have discovered two large “puff-like” exoplanets lighter than cotton candy. For example, cotton candy has a density of 0.05 per cubic centimeter and these two dust bunnies have densities of 0.035 and 0.047.
Not to be outdone, another group of wacky scientists (they’re everywhere) discovered “alien chemistry”, namely salt, on a meteorite that crashed through the roof of a New Jersey home. It seems as if our Milky Way galaxy is loaded with condiments. It’s only a matter of time until the Mars Rover discovers catsup on the red planet.
On a somber note, two more of our service members were killed in president Donald Trump’s Iran war. Marjorie Taylor Green had enough after secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, wrote, ”Their sacrifice only stiffens our resolve.” Marjorie wrote back, “Sacrifice? What the (bleep) are you talking about? They did not sacrifice themselves. They were killed because of the war you, Trump, and the admin are waging on behalf of a foreign country, Israel.”
Marjorie got it right. The White House Goon and his administration refuse to take any responsibility for the deaths and destruction caused by this illegal war. Sorry, I meant excursion.
Although I’ve referenced the book a few times in my witticisms here in The Voice, it’s been years since I read George Orwell’s 1984, so I decided to reread it (It’s true. I can read). It is certainly scary this time around because reality has now caught up with fiction. I’m just in about 27 pages and Orwell could have been writing about our America today. In my mind (It’s true. I have one) I substitute Trump for Big Brother, and I don’t have to bother watching the News Hour on PBS. Today’s news is right there in my hands, even with Donny, like Big Brother, slapping his Jabba-the-Hutt-like face on a coin. Read the book and see for yourself but wait until you’ve finished reading the rest of The Voice.
A final World Cup-related comment from @middleageriot on Twitter: “Booing Donald Trump is the closest thing to a national anthem for the world.” There’s hope for us after all.