By Cindy Sellen –
Montgomery
In the aftermath of the mass shooting that rocked our community in Aurora, February 15, we are asking and thinking “What can I do?” This mass shooting was one of the 43 in our country in the first 49 days this year. I have three college degrees: Criminal justice, sociology, and education. Although I have no degrees in counseling or mental health, I have worked in many agencies in service to the public. I offer these recommendations for what we all can do:
We already have seen the beginning of systemic changes in our gun laws and enforcement. However, there are more systemic changes needed to mend the social fabric in which we live. Some of those changes each of us can begin in our homes.
Our children need to learn social emotional skills, knowing and controlling their feelings. When they are upset ask them “are you sad, mad, afraid, tired.”
When children act out they often do so without knowing why, or more importantly, other ways they can deal with it. They need to learn anger management. Without these skills we see road rage, bullying, an increase in suicides, and mass shootings, just to name a few. Children are not born mean. They see bullying in their homes from fathers, mothers, and siblings. Children learn how to be mean.
Often this violence involves not only physical abuse, but it can be verbal.
Make sure your children understand that their behavior affects others. When you see your children acting out, talk to them. Help them identify their feelings and teach them better ways to deal with their feelings. Take the violent video games and movies out of your house and throw them away. Watching violence teaches violence.
When you see bullying, not only stop it, but find out what is going on with that child. We, as a society, seem to always focus on the victim, but we need to focus on the bully, too. He or she is angry and often the anger is directed at whomever it can be directed at. Picture a water balloon exploding and then try to picture the anger people have inside letting loose. The water just flies and so does uncontrolled anger. Don’t allow bullying between your children and write it off as horse-play or sibling rivalry.
What can each of us do? Promote peace. Start in your home. Teach your children how to identify and deal with their emotions in a way that respects others.
These systemic changes won’t give us an immediate cure for our societal problems, but they sure will change the world our children will live in.
If there are adults you know or live with who are experiencing stress, or are edgy, or depressed, please talk to them so they don’t feel isolated. Encourage them to get help and remind them that their behavior affects others and that you are there for them to talk to. Sometimes, all an individual needs is someone to listen to, to let him or her vent. Then you can work on giving hope and help through a bad time.
It is what each of us can do. Tragedy can lead to change and a better tomorrow.