By the time you read this column (and I hope you are, because if you’re not there’s no need for me to waste precious space adding this parenthetical insert, which I just did), the midterms will be a thing of the past and, depending on the results, I’ll either be...
Scooby-doo’s Velma is gay? Say it ain’t so, Joe. This could signal the end of civilization as we know it. What’s next, purple M&Ms? We’re rapidly approaching Armageddon. I’m thankful I didn’t hear this news over the car radio while I was driving on the expressway because I surely would...
After a visit to my doctor, it was once again time to add a prescription to my roster of medications for mysterious maladies affecting me, maladies that can’t be controlled by consuming mass quantities of Bud Lite. I picked up my new prescription, some medication I hadn’t had the pleasure...
There seems to be a lot happening recently. Very little of it in my head, unfortunately, but out in the real world, the one that a sizable portion of we human-types inhabit. I was sorry to hear of the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, although I did witness her passing...
Who’s Your Daddy? Some time back after watching an episode of Finding Your Roots on PBS, I became interested in finding my own. Provided they weren’t buried under the asphalt of a Walmart parking lot, I secretly hoped I might have family ties to Pee Wee Herman or Gumby. Being...
There are a couple of things I want to get out of the way. Recently, Mr. Bill “QAnon” Suhayda descended from the mother ship (where he’s been busy deflecting Jewish space lasers and, with the My Pillow Guy, searching through cyberspace to find the missing Trump votes hijacked from Dominion...
By now, unless you’ve been living in a cave or Washington, D.C., you’ve come to realize that climate change is real. It happens every few thousand years due to the Earth’s wobble on its axis. That’s just life in the big city and there’s nothing Earthlings can do about it....
I trust you all lived through the Fourth of July this year. If you didn’t, you probably won’t be reading this column In the last couple of days I’ve been noticing complaints by neighbors about the high gas prices in Illinois, which always have been the highest in the Midwest....
Dare I mention it? By the time you read this narrative, I will have had another colonoscopy. I’m not complaining about the procedure per se, because it’s actually like a weekend in Bermuda and over almost before you know it has begun. The 27 gallons of prep fluid you have...
Thoughts of Summer and vacations brought to what remains of my mind, an unplanned adventure that took place on a teenage Route 66 road trip to California with a couple of friends. When we drove through Arizona we saw a sign for the Meteor Crater. It was a slight diversion,...
Did you hear Donald Trump is writing a book? (I like to start out with something funny just like Joel Osteen.) Trump said it, so it’s probably not true. If it is, his biggest hurdle is that he’ll actually have to read a book to find out what goes into...
Maybe one night when you’re out in the country, somewhere far away from the noise and lights of the city, the chirping of the crickets the only sound you hear while you’re looking up at the night sky with its thousands of brilliant, twinkling, stars, will you wonder how long...
There was an interesting article in The Washington Post recently about the Dunning-Kruger effect, which suddenly has become popular. It should not be confused with the Dummy-Knucklehead effect, which was prevalent in the late 1950s and early 1960s and manifested itself mainly among young people sniffing airplane glue so they...
While Super Bowl XX@LVI%$DD?Q was reserving its place in the history books, it was stirring up some of my personal football memories, most of them being my gasping for air under a pile of every kid from the opposing side. Later, I did have a girlfriend who was one of...
I’ve decided to write about nothing this week, which some of you may feel, is not much of a stretch. But there are those days when it’s hard to string two thoughts together; some days, even one. Tucker Carlson of Fox “News” appears to have run out of things to...
I was reminiscing recently about my teen years and how we guys were into cars and cruisin’. I guess that’s what you do when you get old and your brain begins to resemble oatmeal; what’s left of it thinks about the good old days. Guys were either making their cars...
Christmas arrived once again and with it, just like a recurring case of diarrhea, the gift-giving season. Yes, it was the time to give gifts to loving family members and valued friends, the majority of which were things they’ll never use and will end up at Goodwill where someone else...
Ever wonder? Do you ever wonder what happened to the neutron bomb? Neither do I. I’m kidding. I do wonder because it was supposed to be the next big thing in ultimate weaponry. When detonated, it would kill people due to radiation poisoning and not destroy their stuff, things such...
Don’t be concerned. You may safely remove your facemask while reading this column. I’ve had my flu shot and COVID booster. I’m covered for malaria, leprosy, polio, trench foot, St. Vitus Dance, hoof and mouth, bubonic plague, and crabgrass, so no worries. So far, no matter what Ted Cruz, Tucker...
I must take a minute right at the outset, in this case a few words, to thank Mr. Vince Smith, a very perceptive The Voice reader who, besides paying a nice compliment in the “Reader’s Commentary” section of the September 30 issue, pointed out the ridiculous commentaries of some readers,...
