I’ve decided to write about nothing this week, which some of you may feel, is not much of a stretch. But there are those days when it’s hard to string two thoughts together; some days, even one.
Tucker Carlson of Fox “News” appears to have run out of things to be upset about and has resorted to picking on our beloved M&Ms, especially the female versions. He feels the ladies are no longer sexy and are now just androgynous or gender neutral. Tucker said he would no longer be comfortable going out for a drink with one of them. I’m sure if the M&Ms were asked, they’d feel the same about Carlson. I can picture Tucker sitting in the Fox break room with an open bag of M&Ms, gently chipping away a part of the candy shell that melts in your mouth not in your hand trying to determine the sex of each one, so he doesn’t inadvertently walk into a bar with a male M&M hanging on his arm or finger, causing him to be accused of being homosexual. I would hope the M&M would speak up prior to then.
• I recently discovered that in Aurora it’s against the law to shovel snow off your driveway into the street. So what this means is if we have, say, a foot of snow and you’ve just finished clearing the bottom of the driveway in the morning so you can get your car out and go to work, and the city plow comes by and pushes a two-foot pile of it back on the drive, you’re not allowed to blow or shovel it back on the street. This hardly seems fair. What if there’s a dead yak in the street and the city truck plows it up on the driveway with all the snow and you’re all ready late for work from clearing the driveway earlier, so you hurriedly back your car over the snow pile with the frozen yak carcass and rip off most of your exhaust system? Can you sue the city for damages? You should be able to because the apron of the driveway is in the street right-of-way, which is city property. Do you have to somehow push the dead yak into your yard? Do you have to notify the yak’s family? The city should clean up the snow and deceased animal life on its property that it relocated from the street to the driveway in the first place, which made you late for work and ruined your catalytic converter. On a side note, I read that road kill is legal for you to take and butcher, so maybe it’s not such a bad deal after all.
• Guess what? Kyle Rittenhouse wants his big gun and ammo back because he wants to destroy them. Sure. Just like Donald Trump wants his presidency back so he can make America great again. Unfortunately, there are enough naive people in the USA who believe both of them. I know there’s at least one semi-regular commentator in The Voice who does.
• Speaking of Ding Dong Donny, did you happen to see the video on the news the other day of His Holiness walking through his Mar-A-Lago restaurant with no one paying attention to him? He had to stop and signal (the same way Mussolini did from his balcony) for a tepid round of applause from the diners, who quickly turned back to their flame broiled manatee steaks. How does it feel, oh Great Number 45, to be Mr. Insignificant?
• By now you’ve probably seen the commercial of Aurora’s own beloved mayor, Richard Irvin, in his bid for governor. The spot is well done and I wish him the best in his quest. It’s too bad the commercial makes Aurora look like the siege of Troy by the Greeks. The mayor’s marketing people could have saved some production costs by posting a simple slogan such as, “Come visit Aurora. You probably won’t get shot.” Whatever works, I guess.
• Buffalo Wild Wings is charging a 99-cent take out fee on orders you pick up and, curiously enough, take out. You could look at it as covering the extra cost they incur for take out containers and plastic bags. But on the flip side, look at the money they’re saving by not having someone to clean up the mess you and your children made on the table, or what they’re saving on soap, water, and electric power, by not having to wash the dishes and silverware in the automatic dishwasher where another someone has to remove and stack them.
• A few days ago, 30 or so maskless boneheads invaded the St. Charles Library, to protest the Library’s policy of wearing a mask to enter. It appears the anti-maskers won, because you no longer have to wear a mask to enter the Library because you no longer can enter the Library. In the name of safety, the Library closed its doors to everyone. This small bunch of maskless idiots made their point and ruined it for everyone, including themselves. A mass shoot-yourself-in-the-foot event.
That’s my bunch of nothing for this edition. No more attempted stringing until next time.