Category: Humor

Sure signs of a brain turning to mush, then a corkscrew

It’s come to my attention recently that, in spite of my best efforts, I keep getting older. So far, it hasn’t been a problem. What is a problem is a tangential effect of aging that does hamper me from time to time: My brain is turning to mush. It doesn’t...

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Rambling? Nehru jacket to West Branch in Aurora

If you read my written ramblings here a couple of weeks ago, the last time I rambled, I wrote that my wife had prepared a list of things that needed to be done around our house and property. Clearing out my boxes of valuable treasures, junk according to her, I...

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Words carry great meaning, often by using just a few

As societies develop, languages evolve. Researchers analyzed Stone Age and modern skulls. Different jaw placements allow our mouths to make different sounds. With a database of 2,000 languages, out of the 8,000 languages in existence today, sounds were identified that showed frequently used sounds and where. “New sounds are introduced...

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Recalling the lives past of dupers, greasers, dorks

I’m giving you a heads up before you read any further. I’m somewhat impaired physically this time, rather than my standard mental impairment. While doing some yard work the other day, I ran over my glasses with the lawnmower, which made them unsuitable for seeing through, mainly because they are...

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Wayne Johnson

We’ve got your number: Spinning out of control

Numbers, numbers everywhere. I remember the old days when there were just a few numbers: A three, one, a couple of sevens. Of course, since Old Testament days, there’s been the dreaded 666 hanging over, or worse, possibly on our heads, appearing as a birthmark on a random scalp. But...

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Wayne Johnson

Catch the Javelin among playful games at Al Demeter Park

Spring finally has sprung…somewhere. That’s how I started last time, but it seems the appropriate way to begin again I sit here and wait for a massive amount of snow to be dumped on us in the next few hours. Whatever happened to March coming in like a lion and...

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Wayne Johnson

On rigors of working on a really old radio to give it life

Spring finally has sprung…somewhere. Trees are budding and flowers are blooming. The animals in Al Demeter Park next to the Santori Public Library of Aurora have come out of hibernation and are emerging from their dens just in time to get a load of wet, heavy, snow dumped on them....

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Wayne Johnson

Another military account: Invasion of the scorpions

I hope everyone has been following Chas Coddington’s column in The Voice. It alternates an appearance in this space every week with mine because, for me, it takes that long to get anything coherent out of my head and on to the page. The Chas has been writing about his...

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Wayne Johnson

Kidney stones traced to Stone Age, to Paleolithic Age

As I sit here composing this piece, at this very moment, no, that moment is past, at this very moment, no, that one is past now. These moments go by too quickly to latch on to one. Anyway, I’m psyching myself up for another kidney stone surgery, which will be...

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Wayne Johnson

In search of the February truth about Abe, George

I’ve had enough of cold February, Febrero in Spanish, and Xp$qt*Z in Klingon, and I’m glad it’s finally gone. But if your birthday is in February, you may not feel the same. Those with a February birthday were born under the two zodiac signs, Aquarius and Pisces, or the all-encompassing...

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Wayne Johnson

Stories in from the cold, deep freeze, distant past, of work

Did we all enjoy the arctic blast that descended on us last week? Of course not. It’s never fun to have icicles dangling off your frostbitten nose, or Inuit tribes traipsing through your backyard hunting polar bears. But it was the perfect opportunity for our Bonehead-in-Chief, on the advice from...

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Wayne Johnson

On physics, Planck ruler, and our ever-expanding universe

If you have read my columns on a regular basis, you obviously have too much time on your hands. Nonetheless (I like it when I have a chance to use “nonetheless”), I endeavor to make my column educational so you readers will feel you won’t have wasted the valuable excess...

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Wayne Johnson

Do aliens make bubble noises, real life search quesitons

By the time you read this, the presents under the tree all will have been unwrapped and returned from whence they came, credit card statements the length of War and Peace are in the mail, and veins and arteries are gasping for air, clogged with cholesterol from absorbing gallons of...

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Wayne Johnson

Something to know: From Vermont to whistling jellyfish

For this week, I thought I might post some interesting (to me anyway), true facts I’ve gleaned from sources around the world and up your block. Feel free to use any of these facts to make you look smarter and better informed than the average troglodyte. Or, discard them, when...

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Charles Coddintgon

The Chas confession humorous on his special acting career

My colleague, Wayne Johnson, occasionally has graced this page with notes on his illustrious film “career.” The Chas never has appeared in a movie, although he always wanted to; but, he, a poor player, has strutted and fretted his hour upon the stage and then was heard no more, to...

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Wayne Johnson

Thanksgiving Day thoughts: Unusually thankful for unusual

Winter is upon us. Maybe not just yet officially, but it feels just like it. In Al Demeter Park south of the Aurora Public Library, the trees have shed their beautiful Fall colors. Although the bears are hibernating in their dens, it’s still a good idea to take small children...

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Wayne Johnson

Coincidences: Newspaper delivery to the U.S. Army in Seoul

Recently I was thinking about the days I was a newspaper delivery boy. Yes, younger readers, although I can’t speak for all worlds, there actually was a time in the history of our world when kids made money delivering newspapers. I wasn’t thinking about the newspapers, but about coincidences that...

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Wayne Johnson

On evolving into the 21st Century technology, shudder, and back

At the risk of sounding like a doddering, senile, old guy afraid of anything new, and life in the 21st Century generally, which I am, but I don’t want to sound like one, there are many things I would prefer that, when they reach a good point in their development,...

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Wayne Johnson

Life used to be tougher for some: Uphill both ways

During Labor Day weekend I lived up to the spirit of the holiday by doing labor: Cleaning gutters, moving furniture, and whining. The whining accounted for the majority of the labor. Speaking of labor, my unwritten rule for employment is to do just enough to keep from getting fired because,...

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