Recently, Donald Trump, the man who would be king, floated a proposal which would increase the Pentagon’s budget by 50%. The Department of Defense’s slice of the overall budget is already the largest slice, and Congress does not seem to think that it is not enough and keeps on shoveling more and more of our tax dollars to the DOD without an annual accounting. Trump made this proposal with a straight face, because he is not the type to joke around.
If you think, dear reader, that that proposal is a tad insane – given the fact that the national debt is more than $39 trillion, with no relief in sight – you are in good company. Once I am elected as president of the United States of America in 2028, I will roll back the Pentagon’s budget to a realistic figure. That will be at the top of my First Hundred Days.
The DOD’s slice of the pie will no longer be the largest slice, since I will be abolishing the U.S. Army and the U.S. Air Force. This loss will drop its budget faster than the mercury in winter. No longer will there be three branches of the military having bases, both domestic and foreign. No longer will there be three branches delivering a “shopping list” to the U.S. Congress, coveting the latest in military weaponry. No longer will there be three branches recruiting more cannon fodder. No longer will there be three branches providing foreign-military aid and training. No longer will there be three branches dishing out their allotments to their friends in private enterprise. No longer will there be a glut of officer ranking and pensions for the same. There will be only the U.S. Navy, the U.S. Marine Corps, and the U.S. Coast Guard, and they will be slimmed down for greater efficiency.
The tax-payers cost? $50 billion. If the single branch wants an increase in funding, it will be provided by a decrease in the salaries of our Congresspersons.
National security has taken a larger slice of the pie of late as the “millions and millions” of evil do-ers flood into our country, murdering and stealing until there are no more white persons left. The Department of Justice’s slice will be reduced to $50 billion since there will be no more white persons to protect, and the FBI can content itself with arresting Native Americans. The Department of Homeland Security along with all of the infighting of its constituent parts (no ICE!) will be abolished altogether. Abandoned military bases will be rehabilitated and used as temporary shelters for refugees seeking asylum.
All the other Cabinet agencies will receive $25 billion each and will receive an increase upon demonstrating that they will perform diligently the tasks they were designed to do. Also, all of the independent regulatory agencies will be allotted the same amount once they re-hire the personnel who were illegally fired by you-know-who.
The White House, now Golden Yellow House, will receive zero tax-payer dollars for its upkeep. Funding will be provided by frequent rummaging and bake sales, tours of public properties, and concession stands associated with the croquet matches, hopscotch races, and annual fairs.
The following organizations will be allotted $20 billion each: The Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the Public Broadcast Service, the National Public Radio, the National Endowment of the Arts, and the National Endowment of the Humanities. And $25 billion each will go to the Library of Congress and the Smithsonian because in my Administration, History will be king!
If all of this sounds extravagant or unrealistic, dear reader, know that in my First Hundred Days, the tax codes will be updated whereby any person or business who earns more than $500,000 per annum will pay an income tax on a sliding scale. And no deductions of any sort will be allowed. (Oh, pity the tax lawyers!)
Make America Fun Again!
Just a thought.