Trump supporters offer a variety of wacko theories

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Have you been watching the January 6 committee hearings?

Donald Trump’s last days were far worse than we thought. True to form, Trump has said everyone is lying, but him. What else would you expect from the man who told 30,000-plus lies while in office? Now the committee is focusing more directly on him.

Meanwhile, 141 political scientists have rated Trump number 43 out of our 45 presidents. I’m surprised he was that high on the list. No matter what Donny says or how he feels, he’s surely going down the proverbial tubes, and many of his swamp-critter friends will be joining him. It’s somewhat ironic Trump said he’d drain the swamp when, I believe, 22 out of 24 of his specially selected swamp-draining team already have been indicted or are facing charges of some kind.

What I especially enjoy are Trump supporters being interviewed when they’re entering or leaving a Trump rally. The wackiest Trumper I’ve seen and heard yet was a flabby woman in Trump T-shirt and MAGA hat. She told the reporter she knew how the 2020 election was stolen from His Holiness. She claims right after he was elected, Trump launched a Space X satellite (?). The liberals then (I guess) hacked into the satellite and sent all the Trump votes up there and changed them to Biden votes, then sent them back down to the machines to be counted. It’s too bad Trump voters couldn’t have found a way to commandeer Marjorie Taylor Green’s Jewish space lasers to shoot that satellite. The reporter asked this woman if she voted and she said, yes, she votes in every election. Dear readers, this is the type of person who the average human-type voter is up against.

Speaking of whackos, Mr. Pillow Head, Mike Lindell, still claims that he has proof of Trump’s votes being “stoled,” which he’s been claiming for the last year-and-a-half and has yet to show proof of anything other than his pillow business swirling down the porcelain receptacle. August 2021 was supposed to be the date of his big revelation of hundreds of thousands of stolen votes. Now this August is the new date for his big reveal, which he says will cause the biggest upheaval in the history of mankind, or at least since he discovered the Muppets were really puppets.

Continuing on the subject of whackos, Loren Bobble Head Boebert’s gun-themed restaurant, Shooters, is out of business. There goes your chance to try a Smith & Wesson Burger. The owners of the building sold it two days after the Uvalde school shootings and the new owners wouldn’t renew the lease because they felt morally obligated to cancel it. There was such a happy mix of guns and alcohol at Shooters. What could go wrong? Bobble-Head Boebert was reported to the FBI for calling Biden’s presidency to be terminated, a move defined as “stochastic terrorism” on her part. She said she’ll fight that to the U.S. Supreme Court as soon as she can find out what “stochastic” means.

Anyway, the most astonishing fact I learned from the January 6 hearings so far was that Trump likes to eat his lunch off the Oval Office wall, especially if it’s smothered in ketchup. His lunch, not the wall. The wall smothered in ketchup came a bit later.

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